Cheap-oh Charlie - The Bargain Bonehead or Safe Shopping on the Net

What happened to Charlie, even though it was his own fault, is still sad. You see, Charlie is a worshiper at the throne of Cheap. He revels in flimsy plastic, and goes into ecstasy watching those late-night TV commercials that sell gadgets that can save the world. He was thrilled to get the Acme Home Brain Surgery Kit for just $19.95, although he admits that he has yet to try it. (Some people who know him think he has tried it -- on himself -- which explains a lot). Charlie did all of his shopping at the dollar store. He was very proud of his sharp shopping prowess. Those high end fancy-delancy stores are ripping off the public, opines Charlie. There is no reason why anything should cost more than a dollar. Anything at all. Yes, Charlie has a strong disregard for premium shopping places such as fill-in-the-blank-Mart. Only for rich idiots, he says. But Charlie is not devoid of standards. I never shop at secondhand stores. Why is that? As he explains, I only shop quality. So he only buys at the one dollar stores. That makes sense, right? Internet Specials That Are Too Good, Way Too Good As you can imagine, the Internet truly changed Charlie s life, but not always in good ways. You see, Charlie believed that if it was on the net, it must be cheaper. He heard the phrase Internet special , and applied it to every web site that sells anything. If Internet Explorer shows it to him, it must be a bargain. If he sees it in Firefox, buy it, it s a steal. Charlie was naive. Dangerously so. So Charlie quickly discovered great sites, such as Trash Is Treasure.haha, Cheap Cr.ap, and Fools Rush In.dum. The last site had tragic consequences, as it was there that he bought the blowtorch that killed his mother-in-law. He told her it was a hair dryer. He told her he got it for one dollar. He told her it worked instantaneously -- and he wasn t lying. And he told the police something else entirely. This Site Is Run by Crooks Now we all know the value of reading user reviews of products and dealers before buying on the net. If they write bad things about a dealer, the properly cautious among us would stay away. But not Charlie. Charlie believed that the worse the review, the better the dealer. He actually searched out dealers accused of selling junk, cheating customers, providing no support, and so forth. He felt that these must be the best on the net. I repeat. The best on the net. Got that? It makes perfect sense. They re just jealous, says Charlie. The natural human reaction to a superior product or service is a desperate attempt to resolve residual issues of low self-esteem by denigrating those objects... at this point I fell asleep as Charlie kept talking. He clearly had taken one too many college psychology courses. Let s Go Phishing Another thing we all know to do is to be very careful with our financial information. In this, Charlie was super careful. That s why he opened every e-mail he got from The Pay Pal Team urging him to log into his account and update his security information. Those nice people from Pay Pal were even so nice as to send him a customized link to the log in form. This way, Charlie wouldn t be bothered to type Pay Pal s address into the browser. Wasn t that sweet? It s too bad no one was there to tell Charlie that Pay Pal -- the REAL Pay Pal -- never sends these e-mails. This is something called phishing, and it s the way impostors got Charlie s log in and password. We ll talk more about that later. Poor Charlie. He was trying. Give him credit for that, even if others were stealing it. Shopping from Unsolicited E-Mails -- You Know What They re Called Much of Charlie s shopping day is spent surveying spam. The best offers! he explains. These are responsible dealers, not wasting money on overhead, glossy catalogs and fancy web sites. This way they can pass the savings on to me! Does the fact that spam is illegal deter him? No way. These people are taking risks to get me the drugs, stocks, software and everything else I need at lowest cost. It s only illegal because the big overcharging chains, such as you-know-which-river-in-South-America.com are trying to protect their monopolies. For Charlie, shopping from spammers is a matter of principle. These guys are heroes, real heroes. He worships them. How noble! Good grief, Charlie Brown. Secure Servers And Web Forms It all came apart for Charlie when he found the deal to end all deals. It was a site called your-car-cheap-for-a-buck.con . Charlie could find dirt cheap cars by paying a buck -- yes, the holy dollar -- to join this special site.. And, believe it or not, the claim was absolutely correct . Correct, but not in the way Charlie wanted. You see, Charlie didn t think that a secure Web order form was necessary. Therefore he didn t look for the https at the beginning of the address. That s after the http indicates a secure server to protect against hackers stealing credit card information. Most people realize that it is only wise to submit credit card information to a secure server. But Charlie is not most people. He was not disturbed when the web site informed him that in order to process its one dollar membership, they needed to post his credit card details on the web site for a few moments. The people at the site didn t trust the accuracy of Web forms, so they wanted to copy it by hand. Responsible, thought Charlie. And so his credit card, Social Security, billing address, you name it were displayed for all to see on the World Wide Web. Shortly thereafter, Charlie was enjoying a luxurious deluxe vacation in sun filled Cancun, Mexico. Only it wasn t Charlie. The identity theft was so complete that the credit card company didn t believe Charlie s story. They kept accepting the charges, and he went so far into debt that the bank foreclosed on his car and sold it for cheap. The only possession Charlie had left was his membership in your-car-cheap-for-a-buck.con. And there it was, his repossessed car on sale for cheap . Well, the site did live up to its promise. Sort of. He had paid a lot more than a buck to see his car on sale cheap. But that s just a detail. The Moral of the Story Yes, there are great bargains to be had on the Internet. There are discount specials that are fantastic. Remember, though, that the Internet is simply another way of advertising. The same mix of better and worse merchants, honest and less-so dealers is out there. By searching reputable merchants, paying attention to user reviews if they are available, never giving your credit card information to an unsecured site or responding to a phony Pay Pal, bank or other e-mail, you can reap the benefits of Internet shopping. There is so much great value out there, and through the Internet s amazing searching power, you can find true blue bargains. I believe it is the best way to shop. Seth Lutnick shops on the Internet all the time. His new site offers discounts and coupons from reputable dealers only! It s called bargain-discount.com , and Charlie would never go there. And if you re traveling, he has book-flights.biz .